Give Yourself Space
When in the middle of an argument, what's the go-to reaction? Is it anger and an immediate reactivity? Is it running away? Is it blanking and silence? If this applies to you, you are not alone. These are reactions that are often associated with our fight or flight response. One of the best ways to change communication, especially in an argument, is to be able to communicate that one or the other person needs some space and a little time to think things over and that both participants agree they will come back and address the problem soon.
Maybe someone thinks they will win the argument if they stay put and fight hard enough. It might work for the time being. But what happens with the other person when they leave the argument feeling bruised and like they lost? Or maybe one person chooses to run away and hopes the argument will just go away, if they don't say anything more about it; but what happens the next time an argument comes up and that person once again just runs away and the other person does as they want? In that case often the power starts to shift in the relationship.
Clear communication, asking for space when an argument is elevating, will hopefully allow both participants to understand that the conversation will continue and that one person or both need to calm down and think through what they have to say. This gives each person time to really look at what they were arguing about. Often when somebody becomes angry the argument expands to other areas that don't have anything to do with the actual problem . Then the argument could end up in an endless loop of arguments about the same thing over many, many years.
Giving one's self space allows time to decide exactly what is being argued about, what point a person wishes to make, or if they even care that much about what the other person is asking for. It gives the ability to walk away and breathe without the other person feeling like they're being given the silent treatment or like they can do as they like without further discussion. And eventually good communication will hopefully lead to calmer communication.
