One Simple Thing, a note to therapists
One Simple Thing to Remember
Dorothy Smith, LCSW
As a therapist I take time to contemplate what is ultimately important to my clients which allows me to improve my therapeutic approach. And I find It is more often than not the simple human things that are most needed in therapy. The relationship with the therapist has been shown to be one of the common factors in good therapy. Where there is a trusting, safe environment, there is the chance to tell the story. And it is that story that brings a client to therapy. So the story is my one simple thing.
If you blank or are having a day where therapy seems disconnected, just remember that you are there to hear the story, to validate, and to reflect and guide so that the client may start to understand and view their story without emotional flooding. You are there to help them understand how they physically and emotionally connect to that story. When they can begin to process what is happening and to see the patterns and strengths that they want to reinforce and learn how to make changes, then they begin to have successes and we build on those successes. Sometimes we are the wider lens for them opening the narrative, pointing out patterns that may be challenging for a client. But always it is the story, so when you are stuck go back to the story, ask how they are doing emotionally, what has changed, check on where they are on their journey and where they still want to go.
I recently was reminded of where I strayed from the story by a client. During a session while listening to something they had discovered about themselves, I tried to cleverly explain how it related to a therapeutic process, I even went on to say it was a process that was only a piece of a picture and not to be viewed as a whole. I disconnected them from the story and in doing so I invalidated their experience of discovering it for themselves. It was unintentional on my part, but I did not stick with the story. I went off on a tangent … so when I do this, and it does happen in therapy at times, I apologize and I return to the story.
We therapists are just humans, who care enough to go into the difficult spaces, and we make mistakes. I allow myself room for this and have compassion for my own fallible nature and I understand that I genuinely intend to be there to be a support. But most of my fails are in pushing the story or in forgetting to remain on the story. So my best advice is to notice when you have strayed, note when a client seems pulled off the story, and remember to find the thread again. Although we are not going to be foot perfect, therapy is a messy process, we can pay attention, and we can get back on track, back to the story. This is when my client’s thrive and this is when I feel connected and able to utilize both evidence-based practice and intuition combined as their guide.
