Am I Normal?

May 28 

Written By Dorothy Smith

Mental health

What is normal?

As a mental health therapist, a lot of people ask me what is “normal,” followed by (often with great anxiety) “am I normal?” This is the root of the fear that keeps so many in need away from seeking help. Because at the bottom of that question is the fear of being perceived as weak or abnormal. I will clear that up, you are not weak, you are just experiencing a condition which is both important to acknowledge and to care for if you have a mental illness or are in mental distress.

So back to the question “am I normal?” my answer is yes and no. Why? Isn’t it normal to be normal? Again, the answer is complicated, because normal is just a perception or a set of observations from our perspective at this point in: history, culture, and scientific discovery. I encourage you to read the) Miriam Webster definition of normal to get a bigger picture https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/normal.

Definition 2 has an example about butterflies and pollen on genetically modified corn, which is a statistical norm that wouldn’t even have existed before genetically modified corn, or butterfly interaction with the corn, or the study on it. That is to say, the information on butterflies and what’s “normal” has completely shifted with new knowledge in a very short time span. Normal is a moving target. So something which is normal here at this time in history may not be normal in other societies in our same time frame, would not be normal in past decades, or may not be normal for any number of other variables such as age, preference, or even birth order. So for those concerned with their mental health, it is much more important to look at what is causing distress or interference in a life than it is to fit it into the impossibly complex boxes of normal or abnormal.

And the next thing to contemplate is do you want to be normal? While you might be normal in many areas, you may be far at the top or near the bottom in other areas. Is it the norm to be a top scoring hockey player (the NHL updates nightly), or to have red hair (1 to 2% of population), no it isn’t. If you could, would you want to be (or are you already) a gifted musician, artist, cook, caregiver, baseball player etc. We are unique and individual, gifted with small and large differences in appearance, ability, and personality. And were everyone to strive or be pushed towards normal, (ala many Dystopian movies) we would lose the richness of difference and the texture of culture.

So ask yourself if it isn’t more helpful to look at what is distressing you? Isn’t it better to care for your needs than to worry about the perception of normalcy? And if the worry is that it isn’t normal to be sad, confused, anxious, (or any number of other symptoms) here are stats from the CDC. So even the fear that it isn’t normal doesn’t actually hold water. Think of seeking help as the same as keeping up with your physical health, because pressure to be normal should not be the determining factor in seeking either physical or mental health help As you can see below, you are not alone in having distress in your lifetime.

Excerpt from CDC statistics

How common are mental illnesses?

Mental illnesses are among the most common health conditions in the United States.

More than 50% will be diagnosed with a mental illness or disorder at some point in their lifetime.

1 in 5 Americans will experience a mental illness in a given year.

1 in 5 children, either currently or at some point during their life, have had a seriously debilitating mental illness.

1 in 25 Americans lives with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression.

As always, this is just a Blog it is not meant as guidance and it is not meant as therapy. If you need help or are in distress please contact a mental health professional.

Dorothy Smith

Dorothy Smith, LCSW is a mental health therapist in Virginia. Her practice serves all of Virginia through Telehealth, and in-person Walk & Talk (therapy while walking out in nature) in Northern Virginia near Haymarket, minutes from Fairfax, Centreville, Gainesville, Haymarket, Warrenton, The Plains, Marshall, and Broad Run. Dorothy uses different therapies and modalities to tailor the therapy to each of her clients. EMDR, Mindfulness, CBT, ERP, IFS and Narrative therapies, can also be combined with creative work such as art, music, meditation, poetry, or writing. The goal is to collaborate with a client to teach mental wellness practices and move towards their life goals. Providing a non-judgmental, compassionate, and caring space for healing is what Dorothy’s company, Wellness Arts Counseling llc, is all about. Of course psychology is important, but so is recognition that each person is a gifted, and unique individual.